This is How You Fail Fabulously

When I was in the seventh grade, I dissed the heck outta a young man whom we shall call J.L.  Never having had a boyfriend or significant other, I was TERRIFIED of boys. I believed that a boy and girl breathing in the same space resulted in pregnancy. So imagine my horror, when this fella  approached me as I labored to retrieve textbooks from my locker and asked me to be his girlfriend.

Embarrassed, I shook my head furiously from left to right and quickly strode to my class. Behind me my wanna-be suitor skulked away from the scene of his ego destruction and endured additional humiliation in the way of jeers and cat calls from our voyeuristic peers.  Every day following, and for the duration of our middle school experience, J.L.  held his head high, continued to speak to me and eventually found the girl who would accept his shy proposal. He failed but he failed fabulously.

It wasn’t until later in life that I realized how humiliating the experience must have been for him. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realized how courageous J.L. was.

Last month I decided to approach the proverbial Love Interest at the Locker.  Inspired by a glorious teaching c/o Blueprint Church about overcoming the paralysis of analysis, I applied to an awesome program called the Give1 Project – Global Leadership Program. The program invited emerging community leaders to travel to Benin to learn about and contribute to global leadership with an additional opportunity to speak encouragement to 100 girls and young women.

Um, hello! All me, yes? YES!

So I rocked that application like it was a college entrance exam. I read, wrote, revised and then hit send.I was confident that I would be selected to go, going as far telling friends that I would be unavailable the last week in November. Call it hubris or faith, but I was certain that this was a path to which I was being directed and I wouldn’t be denied.

But then I got this letter. I felt like Maury had announced: “you are NOT the father!”

In this version of Love Interest at the Locker the roles were reversed and I was J.L. I was getting the furious left-right head shake. I heard jeers and cat calls. I was being rejected and had obviously failed. 

Sulking at my desk in front of the e-mail, I questioned whether I rested too many hopes on this one thing. Was my conviction/intuition wrong? Why had I allowed myself to be vulnerable and actually believe I was good enough to be selected? Why not me?

That’s what J.L. said.  (Yup, that joke.)

The difference is that J.L. dusted himself off, returned to school the next day and eventually got the girl – she just wasn’t me. I had a choice: be an egotistical punk or fail fabulously like my never-suitor.

This month, Her Agenda, a wonderful social enterprise committed to the personal and professional development of millennial women, asked the question: “When was the last time you had the courage to fail?” Positioned in a way that recognized the courage borne of failure, the question forced me to re-evaluate my experience.

The fact is, like J.L. I went after something and was denied despite my best effort and conviction that this thing was right for me. From his failure and mine are lessons: what not to do next time -- public professions of love in middle school aren’t necessarily the way to go; encouragement -- if at first, second, or third you don’t succeed, you will eventually; humility and grace –having these qualities in the wake of defeat will develop you for future success; and finally-- don't be a sucka. Be the person who can say: 

"I gave it my all. I tried."

You’re miles ahead of the game when you try because you’re overcoming your own paralysis while others remain stuck in analysis. I don’t know how long it took J.L. to build up the courage to ask me out. But I remember him because he took the chance. He’s made an indelible mark on my life and for that I’m grateful. I was a test for him and he was a test for me. Guess who passed?

Now it’s your turn:

•      When have you failed fabulously?
•      What have you gained from your fabulous failure?
•      Will you try to fail again?